We’re in negotiations constantly throughout the day. Getting the kids ready for school. Talking to the contractor on the home improvement project. Meetings at work. The most impactful negotiation, however, happens in silence. It’s the negotiation your mind goes through when faced with a fork in the road – do the hard thing you know you’re supposed to do or take the convenient and easy route.

One of my favorite books happens to be on the art of negotiating, Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. If you’ve never heard of Chris, he’s a former FBI negotiator and in his book, he provides perspective on the art of negotiating with anyone in any situation. Many view his negotiating philosophy and approach extremely beneficial in more of the traditional sense – sales, contracts, running a business – the biggest value I’ve found with his book is the connection to how we negotiate with ourselves.

“Most people approach a negotiation so preoccupied by the arguments that support their position that they are unable to listen attentively. When they’re not talking, they’re thinking about their arguments, and when they are talking, they’re making their arguments.” – Chris Voss

When we hit a fork in the road – a difficult path leading to growth vs. an easy path – the mind becomes so focused on the argument of ease. It’s okay to take a day off from working out. It’s okay to skip a healthy dinner for fast food. It’s okay to take the short cut on the project. It’s a great argument to take the easy path and avoid difficulty. So now the question becomes, does the mind become so fixated on the argument for the easy path that we ignore the other side of the argument, the one for a more difficult route?

“Great negotiators are able to question the assumptions that the rest of the involved players accept on faith or ignorance, and thus remain more emotionally open to all possibilities, and more intellectually agile in fluid situations.” – Chris Voss

It’s okay to make the argument for the easy path. It’s normal. It’s what the mind naturally can be pulled towards. What we can’t do is close ourselves to all possibilities. Closing ourselves to other possibilities shuts down the openness to hearing the argument to the benefits of the hard path. The difficult path that provides opportunity and space for growth. The opportunity for us to challenge ourselves for a better tomorrow.

Part of the expectation setting when it comes to the negotiation in the mind is expecting there will be different arguments. If we shut down the ability to hear more than just an easy argument, we fail as a negotiator. If we start questioning the argument of ease, we build a road to other sides of the argument. We allow space to question the validity of the argument that it’s okay to take the easy road. This provides ample ability to stay open to possibilities, including the need to hear the argument of why the more difficult path can lead to longer term success. The more difficult path can provide growth opportunities to take one step further on the path to your authentic best self.

Take your step: each day we’ll face various “forks in the road” situations where we can choose the difficult path or easy path. Pause when you reach this point and while the argument of ease is being presented, take the time to provide the argument for difficulty. The argument for facing challenges and what benefits and growth can generate from this path. Refuse to only accept the argument of ease and strive to understand the argument of taking on the challenge.