I’m in the process of interviewing for an open position on my team and asked one of my incredible team members to join in the 1st round of interviews. Being on the side of the interviewer was relatively new to him and as he was reflecting on how the first few interviews went, one of his “aha” moments stood out as a great reminder.

The “aha” moment was around how critical active listening is along with the desire to make the person we’re talking with heard. What a simple and fantastic way to frame up a critical piece to a successful conversation – make the other person feel heard.

When I heard my teammate talk about the importance of making others feel heard, my initial reaction was of course in any conversation we need to make this a priority. I would guess if I was to poll any of you, you’d agree making the other person feel heard is key. Do our actions mirror this belief? Here is where theory versus reality conflict in many situations.

How often do we come to a discussion with our own agenda as the priority? How often do we listen to a story from the person we’re talking with only to drift off to a similar encounter we have had? How often are we in the middle of a conversation and while the other person is talking, we’re already formulating our response that we can’t wait to reply with?

It can be difficult to remove our biases, personal agendas, or any noise the mind is currently working through when we come to a conversation. We all know making others feel heard is extremely important to have an impactful conversation, so what are ideas on how we can more effectively and consistently make the other person feel heard?

1. Make a promise to yourself to listen to the entirety of what the other person is saying. Delay your mind shifting from listening mode to response mode to fully and clearly listen to what the other person has to say.
2. Take a minute or two before moving on from what you were focused on to a conversation. This minute or two can help you mentally separate what your mind has been focused on to shift your focus to active listening.
3. Resist the urge to find a solution immediately. Listen and ask open-ended questions to allow the conversation to develop and evolve before solutioning.
4. Practice and develop your reflecting skillset. Reflecting incorporates sharing a synopsis of what the other person has said to verify that you’re hearing their perspective correctly.
5. Body language and tonality make a difference. Eye contact, body positioning of engagement, and tonality showing support and understanding can be great indicators to the person you’re conversating with that you are all in on listening and understanding.

Add in the comments below other ideas or best practices you have to incorporate more consistent conversations where the other person feels heard.

Take your step: take a moment to reflect on your past couple of conversations. Critique how you showed up to the conversation. Are you coming with an open mind ready to focus and actively listen? Or do you feel there is often too much noise in your mind when you show up for a conversation that impacts your effectiveness listening? Start by leveraging one idea above to consider trying to help bring a more consistent engagement during conversation.