One of my favorite quotes I’ve heard recently is “saying no is a complete sentence.” I must admit this concept is tough for me. I’ve had plenty of people pleasing tendencies in the past and saying no can seem strange. It feels like I’m being unhelpful, inconsiderate of others’ needs, lazy, and at times a disappointment.

But the reason this phrase has stuck with me so much is because it represents the critical need of setting boundaries. I’m not setting boundaries because I don’t want to help others, or I want to be lazy. Instead, I’m setting boundaries with the word no so that I can make sure I’m growing and developing the best that I can. And when I continue to grow and expand what I’m capable of, I in turn expand the positive impact I can have on others.

Take a minute to go down the path where no is not in our vocabulary. Prioritizing becomes difficult, if not impossible. We no longer focus on the most important things that need our attention. Burnout becomes a reality. We lose sight of how we’re exploring our own personal growth and development. When the word no is not used effectively, we let others dictate what’s important and how we carry out our lives.

On the flip side, when we have a good understanding when the word no needs to enter the conversation, we explore how to set boundaries that align with how we want to make our impact both internally and the world around us. When we use no in a thoughtful way, we have a grasp on what’s most important to put our time and energy into. We have perspective on our priorities which comes from a clear understanding of our vision ahead. We understand who we’re striving to become and can effectively analyze whether saying yes or no keeps us on the path we need to be on. When we effectively use no, we are saying we want to give our best self to others.

Admittedly I’m writing the previous sentence and go back to reread it only to question myself. How am I giving my best self to others when I’m saying no? Can’t I do it all? This is the question I feel I trap myself into – can’t I do it all? While ego may say yes, years of experience say no. Time is the best trainer and over time I’ve had to work hard to minimize my people pleasing tendencies. I’m far from perfect at it and saying no remains difficult but here’s are a few tips I’ve learned along the way:

• Invest time in creating clarity of who we’re striving to become. We all should feel empowered to challenge ourselves to grow and develop in areas we’re passionate about. When we spend time creating more internal clarity on where we want that growth to take place, we are more equipped to analyze whether a no is needed because it doesn’t align with where we’re striving to go.
• Own our schedule or someone else will. Yes, it’s a cliché, but time truly is our most important asset. It’s so easy for our schedules to be filled but what is on the schedule? Is the time being spent aligning with where we’re striving to grow and develop? Or is the schedule full because we haven’t used the word no and others are dictating how we need to spend our time? Own our schedule.
• Disappointing other people can be hard. It’s tough to get around this. This isn’t for every situation, but time has taught me that saying no to someone else can help them grow and develop. For example, at work a little tough love of saying no may motivate someone to explore a solution on their own which can build their skillsets. Saying no to one of my kids may make them go explore something new on their own and help build their confidence in being independent. Sometimes saying no ends up empowering others to grow instead of relying on the easy button.
• Allocating time to recharge is critical if we want to bring our best self to others. When no doesn’t enter a conversation when we’re already filled to the top, the gas tank dangerously can fall to empty. When we’ve exhausted our time and energy on doing all the things, we’ve potentially sacrificed our ability to continue to make a positive impact. Burnout is real whether we want to admit it or not so having a pulse on how we most effectively recharge is key to keeping the energy of giving our best self to others.

No is not meant to say we don’t want to help or we’re choosing the lazy route. No is meant to set boundaries and support the clarity we’re building of what we want to strive to become. When we’re clear internally, we become well-equipped in understanding how to set these boundaries. While it may feel like we’re disappointing others, we’re finding a way to become the best version of ourselves which in turn helps us be the best we can for others.

Take your step: look at your schedule for the week. Are there obligations on the calendar you feel like don’t align with what you need to be putting your time and energy towards? Are you being brought into meetings that don’t align with the impact you should be making? Learn from this week’s calendar to adjust for next week. What types of obligations don’t align with where you should be spending time and energy? Identify these obligations and when similar invites come, own your schedule and know that saying no means you’re staying disciplined to where you need to prioritize the impact you can make.