One of my favorite parts of the warm weather is heading to the local playground with my son to play basketball. Whether it’s a game of knockout, H-O-R-S-E, or 1 on 1, my kid comes ready to beat up on dad. While this is technically off season, I’ve found I occasionally slip into coach mode when we’re out on the court. He’s going into 3rd grade, so the fundamentals are still building each time he picks up a ball. There’s always a better angle to take, better technique on the shot, better defense, and the list of better is endless, especially at this young age.
So, what do I typically do…I think I should coach him on every play. Big shocker but I’m completely wrong in my approach.
Of course, teaching fundamentals is important. I’m a big believer the foundation of success is built with these fundamentals, but there’s so much more to the game. I could tell when I would continuously coach while we were competing against each other, I was ruining his opportunity to learn and feel the game out for himself. I was guilty of overcoaching.
As I reflect, I realized there are times I overcomplicate the situation by overcoaching when all the moment needs are a son and dad playing basketball at the local park. It doesn’t have to be complicated – instead it can be an opportunity to bond more with my son and let him experience the amazing game of basketball from his own lens. When we just play and I eliminate my tendency to overcoach, the opportunities open for him to explore what moves work and what might need to be tweaked, what defensive positioning works versus allowing me to have an easy basket, or how his jump shot needs to evolve. Playing the game and facing challenges, failures, successes, and all the other in between provides lesson after lesson for my son to grow.
Fundamentals and coaching always will be a big part of development but sometimes we just need to play. Sometimes we just need to get the live experience of what we’re practicing and jump in ready to learn firsthand. Invite in the self-discovery by facing the success and failures that come from the live action and learn in the moment from our firsthand experiences.
This idea of overcoaching can also be a concern when it comes to how our mind works. If I let overcoaching take control, I would stop the game with my son because there was a slight adjustment I would want him to make. If I was to stop for every little detail, we’d never get started on the game where self-discovery can happen. It’s like how we hold ourselves back from jumping into our own games. We think we must critique every little area and have everything perfectly vetted and ready to go before jumping in. But the reality is we never have all our fundamentals perfect and set up for success. We can’t let this hold us back from going out and getting the real-life experience.
We will never be perfect for the next job opportunity but take the step and then learn from it. We may be hesitant to join a new project group or take on a new volunteer opportunity but jump in and get the real time experience. We may not have every detail ironed out when trying a new workout plan but jump in and take action. When we’re willing to jump in and take action even when we don’t have all the foundational fundamentals in order, we allow self-discovery to take place. We remove the tendency to want to overcoach ourselves and have everything just right. Instead, we allow the mixture of failures and successes to unravel. We invite in lessons to be learned and while they often can be tough, they make a lasting impact in our growth for a better future.
Take your step: identify an area of your life you feel you may be playing a little too safe. You may have a long list of what you feel needs to be perfectly in order before you jump in. Challenge yourself to take action and jump in even though the entire foundation isn’t built. Keep perspective that the uncertainty provides room for self-discovery and growth. It may be hard to make a big jump so explore ways to take smaller jumps and continue to accelerate the lessons learned through live action