Think about all the different experiences each of us have had. Relationships, career, how we were raised, where we’ve lived, education, and the list goes on. It’s no wonder we don’t see situations the same or experience circumstances the same way. These different perspectives can create a wide variety of reactions – two most commonly is frustration due to disagreement or on the other end of the spectrum, realization something can be learned from these differences.
“Seek to understand, then seek to be understood” is one of the habits of highly effective people according to Stephen Covey’s famous book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Our world today can feel polarized. A struggle for true dialogue to happen because of how narrow focused minds are going into a conversation. If we enter a conversation already with our mind made up, we all but eliminate the opportunity to learn from all the different experiences the person sitting across from us has had.
Covey’s description of seek to understand, on the other hand, provides an opportunity to first put aside personal experiences and perspective and opens the door to understanding how someone else sees a situation. Refer to Don’t Let Ego Tangle with Growth for more insight on approaching a conversation with an open mind. We approach the conversation by first focusing on what can be learned – thinking in terms of what I can uncover from their perspective to add to my experiences.
When we create space to first prioritize seeking to understand, we bring in diversity of thought not to minimize or negate our perspective, but instead, to enhance our perspective. It’s not a zero-sum game – it can be a game of addition. Add your own experiences with other’s experiences to expand perspective. Take the camera lens and zoom out to see a wider view of what’s happening.
The ability to see a wider view can lead to better decision making, more inclusivity, knowledge growth, strengthened ability to adapt, and much more. Each time we first seek to understand, we add one more person’s experience we can use in our own journey.
Take your step: in your next few interactions (family, work, friends, etc.), before going into conversation repeat in your mind, seek to understand, then seek to be understood. Work to use this mantra to acknowledge there’s an opportunity to learn and understand from someone across from you but first, you must put aside your thoughts to seek to understand. Then play the game of addition to combine your thoughts with others’ thoughts for a more holistic view.