“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” – Martin Luther King Jr.
Two things I tell my kids in the morning are 1) do awesome things and 2) be kind. My wife and I are strong believers in helping model and teach our kids what it means to be kind to others. What I didn’t expect at such an early stage of parenting is the importance of teaching kindness not just to others, but also teaching kindness and love to ourselves.
When we run into failures in our lives, in the moment it’s natural behavior to take that moment of failure as the truth of who we are. One project mistake becomes I’m terrible at my job. One bad day of eating turns into self-talk of I’m so fat. Stressful morning leads to yelling at the kids turns into I’m a terrible parent. A sense of hatred within ourselves builds up because we experience failure. We’ve all been there when one moment of time mentally defines who we are. We become so hard on ourselves that we can’t create space to zoom out and realize this one moment doesn’t define us.
Choosing to love ourselves instead of letting hate creep in demands perspective. It requires us to consciously create space for us to reflect on holistically who we are, instead of letting one moment of failure overrun the storyline in our minds. To love oneself is to be strong enough to acknowledge failures happen for us to learn and continue on our growth journey, not to define us. The learning from our failures provides opportunities to grow for the future as opposed to being held hostage by our judgment. When we free our mind of the hate that comes with judgment, we open our minds to the growth that comes from failures to love our perfectly imperfect self.
Take your step: this week when failure hits, work to take deliberate action to zoom out before your mind goes to creating a new storyline. Acknowledge the failure happened so that something can be learned and work to keep hold of a bigger perspective embracing both your successes and failures to choose love and not the burden of hate.